Looking back on it, marriage was probably a mistake. It’s not the compulsory reduction in alcohol consumption that

I object to, or the fact that I have to endure television programmes with the word ‘vampire’ in the title, it’s the awful inane football related comments that plague my very existence. “He should be wearing gloves, it looks a bit chilly,” is a classic example, “Why is he getting so excited, it’s only a game,” is equally as Pkv Pokerannoying and the often repeated “You don’t have to bet to enjoy the football,” led me to invest in a shovel.

 

As Liverpool edged out Chelsea last week, a sense of dread enveloped me as i saw her forehead wrinkle, indicating that a comment was imminent; “The Chelsea players shouldn’t be so upset, they’re going to win the league,” was the end result of her pondering, and incredibly, I had to concur. Jose’s collection of superstars just need a point against Man U to become only the 2nd team in the history of the Premiership to retain their title, but Jose will demand all three. The 11/10 on offer about a Chelsea victory should be hoovered up; their FA Cup heartache will soon be a distant memory.

 

The formbook would suggest that Tottenham have the beating of Bolton on Saturday, but I’m not so sure. Bolton have had the Indian sign over Madhur matka Spurs in recent seasons and go in to the match on a high after destroying Charlton last weekend. Even Martin Jol can see that Bolton look a little bit of value at 5/1.

 

If Spurs slip up, Arsenal will take full advantage at the Stadium of Light. Sunderland have been awful on the road, and strangely, even worse in front of their own supporters. Arsene has taken a few liberties with team selection in recent weeks, but he could play the under 11’s against Sunderland and still snatch a draw. Arsenal are short at 1/4, but good things come in small packages.

 

Like Jay Jay Okocha, Lua Lua is so good they named him twice. However, this isn’t a hard and fast rule, as anyone who’s seen Eric Djemba Djemba play will testify. A fit again Lua Lua holds the key to a Pompey victory at Wigan, he’s 13/2 to open the scoring. Portsmouth are a confident call at 8/5 to move a step closer to safety.

 

As West Ham have already qualified for the UEFA Cup, there’s a high probability that Alan Pardew may shuffle his pack away at West Brom; let’s hope it’s more pleasing to the eye than the previous Pardew shuffle, that was just wrong. There’s a 75% chance that the Baggies will already be relegated before the Mayday kick-off; if already down, the Albion are worth a small nibble at 6/5; if other results go their way, take a huge bite.

 

Interestingly, there’s never been a draw in five years of Premiership fixtures between Charlton and Blackburn; i use the word ‘interestingly’ in its loosest possible sense. As Charlton never win a match towards the end of a season and Blackburn are crawling to the Premiership finishing line, the long overdue draw looks a little bit big at 12/5.

 

Liverpool are the nap of the week at 4/9 at home to the Villa. The Pool are finishing the season like a train while Villa’s derby day victory is masking the worst run since Jade Goody’s marathon attempt. Peter Crouch, like me, should be ashamed of his misses over the last few months, but there is an unwritten law that ex Villa players always score against their former employers, Crouchy is 11/10 to prove the rule.